Chapter 14

During dinner, Mr. Bennet hardly spoke at all. But once the servants had withdrawn, he thought it was time to talk with his guest. He said that Mr. Collins seemed to have found an excellent patroness. It was a subject on which Mr. Collins could truly shine. Lady Catherine de Bourgh, he said, listened kindly to his wishes and looked after his comfort with great care. Mr. Bennet could not have chosen a better topic. Mr. Collins praised her without pause. His manner grew even more solemn than usual as he spoke. He declared, as if stating a matter of great importance, that he had never in his life seen a person of high rank behave as Lady Catherine did. He said he had never before experienced such kindness and such generous consideration, as if he had experienced it himself. Lady Catherine had graciously praised the two sermons he had had the honor of delivering before her. She had invited him to dine at Rosings twice. Only last Saturday, when her evening game of Quadrille needed one more player, she had sent for him. He knew that many people considered Lady Catherine proud. But he himself had seen nothing in her but kindness. She always spoke to him just as she would speak to any other gentleman. She never in the least objected to his mixing with the neighborhood, nor to his leaving the parish now and then for a week or two to visit relations. She had even, of her own accord, advised him to marry as soon as he could, provided he chose his partner with care. She had once come herself to see his humble parsonage. She had approved of all the changes he had been making, and had even suggested a few herself — putting up some shelves in the closet upstairs, among other things.

"That is all very right and kind," said Mrs. Bennet. "She must be a most agreeable lady. I wish more ladies of high rank were a little more like her. Do you live near her?"

"The garden where my humble home stands is separated only by a narrow lane from Rosings Park, where her ladyship lives."

"I believe you said she was a widow. Does she have children?"

"She has one daughter, an only child. She will inherit Rosings and a very large fortune besides."

"Ah!" cried Mrs. Bennet, shaking her head. "Then she is better off than most young ladies. What kind of young lady is she? Is she pretty?"

"She is truly a most charming young lady. Lady Catherine herself has told me that, in point of true beauty, Miss de Bourgh far surpasses even the most beautiful women in the world. This is because there is something in her appearance that shows she comes from a noble family. Sadly, her health is delicate, so she has not been able to grow up learning the many accomplishments she otherwise would have mastered. If it were not so, the lady who oversaw her education and still lives with her told me, there would be nothing she could not do. But her character is most amiable. She is often gracious enough to drive her little pony carriage past my humble home."

"Has she been formally presented in society? I do not recall seeing her name among the ladies who appear at court."

"Sadly, her poor health does not allow her to go to London. So I once told Lady Catherine herself that the English court had thereby lost its brightest ornament. Her ladyship seemed pleased to hear it. You can imagine how happy it makes me to offer, whenever the chance arises, the kind of small, delicate compliment that ladies always welcome. I have told Lady Catherine many times that her charming daughter seems born to be a duchess. I have also said that even the highest rank would not add dignity to her, but would rather be made brighter by her. Such small words please her ladyship greatly. And I consider it a duty I owe especially to her, to pay this kind of attention."

"Your judgment is very sound," said Mr. Bennet. "It is fortunate for you that you have such a talent for delicate flattery. May I ask whether these pleasing attentions occur to you on the spur of the moment, or whether they come from earlier study?"

"Most of them arise naturally out of what is happening at the time. But sometimes I amuse myself by thinking up and polishing small, elegant compliments that might suit an ordinary occasion. Still, I always try to deliver them as though they were unstudied."

Mr. Bennet's expectations were fully met. His cousin was just as ridiculous as he had hoped. He listened to Mr. Collins with keen delight, all the while keeping his face perfectly composed. Apart from an occasional glance toward Elizabeth, he needed no one to share his enjoyment with.

By the time tea was served, however, he had heard enough. Mr. Bennet was glad to lead his guest back to the drawing room. Once tea was finished, he happily invited him to read aloud to the ladies. Mr. Collins agreed at once, and a book was brought out. But the moment he saw it, he drew back with a start, for its cover made it plain that it was a book borrowed from a circulating library. He begged their pardon and declared that he never read novels. Kitty stared at him. Lydia let out a cry. Other books were brought out. After much deliberation, he chose Fordyce's Sermons. As soon as Mr. Collins opened the book, Lydia yawned. Before he had read even three pages, in his very monotonous, solemn voice, Lydia interrupted.

"Mother, did you know Uncle Philips is thinking of letting Richard go? If he really does, Colonel Forster is going to hire him. Aunt told me herself on Saturday. Tomorrow I am going to walk to Meryton to find out more, and to ask when Mr. Denny is coming back from London."

Her two elder sisters told Lydia to be quiet. But Mr. Collins was greatly offended. He put down the book and said,

"I have often observed how little interest young ladies take in serious books written for their own benefit. I confess it surprises me, for surely nothing can be more useful to young ladies than instruction. But I will not trouble my young cousin any further."

Then he turned to Mr. Bennet and offered to be his opponent at backgammon. Mr. Bennet accepted the challenge, remarking that it was a very wise thing to leave the girls to their trifling amusements. Mrs. Bennet and her daughters apologized profusely for Lydia's interruption, and promised that it would not happen again if he would read to them once more. But Mr. Collins assured them that he felt no ill will at all toward his young cousin, and declared that he would never resent her behavior as an insult. Then he sat down with Mr. Bennet at another table and prepared to play backgammon.